Last weekend may have been the last sunny weekend of 2022 in the Pacific Northwest. Although I have been diligent in developing my ‘Hygge’ for the grey months, I am somewhat ‘chloroplastic’ and always have more energy when it is sunny. Realistically, I am probably just reptilian, cell wall. . .whatever.
This past Sunday, it was in the low 80’s and sunny. A beautiful day for a bike ride. My husband Jade pumped up the bike tires and I filled up our water bottles. The hill up to our house is pretty steep, we convinced ourselves to pack the bikes in the back of the Jeep and peddle in the valley.
We started off at the nature park and headed out on the trails around town. We stopped at a local brewery for a salad and drinks. Peddled back to the car and drove home. Sounds pretty standard, although last October it would not have been so easy.
Last October, I was found to have a highly trabeculated bladder and diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. My urologist was thinking it was most likely due to whatever neurological condition I have going on. She recommended physical therapy.
A couple months earlier I was given the same recommendation, to see a physical therapist. Last summer, I went to a Naturopathic Physician who was also a Licensed Massage Therapist. I wanted a medical professional to actually touch me, feel my muscles and help me understand what was going on.
I have been managing a diagnosis of cervical dystonia/dystonic tremor for years, scoliosis, breathing issues and a recent muscle biopsy that was not definitive for a myopathy. After several massage sessions with the Naturopathic Physician, she said the best thing I could do is see a physical therapist.
Based on both recommendations, I made appointments for pelvic floor and scoliosis physical therapy in December 2021.
Even writing this now, I get teary eyed with gratitude. The therapists believed me when I told them, what I was or was not, feeling in my body. It took several months for me to reconnect/relearn how to use my diaphragm, without relying on my accessory breathing muscles. It still takes conscious effort, especially in stressful or stimulating environments, to keep grounded and not go into a sympathetic response, falling into my old pattern.
I am working on resetting both my mind and my body. I really wanted to blame one or the other. I thought maybe my previous surgical scars caused the weakness, scoliosis and poor breathing. Or maybe it was the substitute teaching, Toastmasters and arguing politics with Jade that overactivated my nervous system increasing the muscle tension and tremor.
It is a synergistic effect and retraining is needed for both my mind and body. At a very young age I learned to override my body and get on with life. Sometimes that was the only choice I had. As an adult, I am working hard to turn the volume down on external noise and listen to my internal signals. I do my exercises carefully, adjusting or stopping when the muscles go hypo/hypertonic or tremor.
I am still seeing my current physical therapist, she is amazing! I have been going to the clinic for almost a year now and my experience with the entire staff has been outstanding. They are a kind and caring witness to my patterns and weaknesses. They have helped me improve tremendously.
In the beginning, some exercises were like a reintroduction to muscles, lost long ago. Doing the exercises at home helps me build the muscle memory. Now I can ride my bike and distribute the muscle load across my entire back without getting spasms in my shoulders/neck. I can look over my shoulder without having to turn my entire torso and almost lose control of the bike. In the middle of our bike ride, I sat at a picnic table and ate lunch with hardly any fatigue or tremor.
Last weekend, I connected with a past version of myself that I thought I would never embody again. Of course, I wonder what the future will hold for my body and my health?
It is a fleeting question. I am choosing not to go down my well-worn catastrophizing and minimizing thought pathways.
I am building my present moment awareness, I am listening to my body, trusting that I can bring balance and make healthy choices that benefit my body, mind and soul.
Physical Therapy has introduced me to consciously healthier movement and I am working hard to incorporate this into my daily life.
October is National Physical Therapy Month and I am grateful for all the physical therapists who I have met along my journey, especially now. Thank you!