The deeper I sink, the deeper the well I create. More room to store my hidden resilience. A necessity to getting older. The opportunity to create a rung, each time I sink lower, when the safety net doesn’t work.
When all of it is gone. I only have me. I must start with me. It is hard.
Falling into the same well, time again. I can feel the distortions, I can hear the manipulations. I can see myself in disbelief - it can’t be intentional. I am not satisfied with the answer. My reality? It fits so easily.
I have to learn to strip away the conditioning of the past and the fear of the future. It is MY CHOICE how to feel and what to think. I have to let go. Be bare. To let go of ALL the wants and needs and to claim the present. I have the ability. Thoughts, feelings, emotions - why choose the path that is worn?
To get across. Am I getting across? To you? Do I understand me?
The place to look for understanding in myself, is in my heart, in my core. Do feelings cause emotions or do emotions cause feelings? How am I feeling? How am I emoting? Be real with how I feel?
What if it is something that hurts so bad - it is only a feeling - left from a memory. Its only a memory, the emotion has passed.
The thing about a post like this is how personal it is. At the same time enough is left hanging so the rest of us can figure out how it relates to us.